Now that I have calmed down a little bit about my mishap the other day I feel that I can write about it without becoming an emotional, suicidal basketcase.
Today could possibly be classified as one of the worst days of my life. Why is it that when you are already down on your luck and pushed to the edge one more thing has to go wrong??? For example, today I woke up feeling okay, the sun streaming through the window tricks me into believing it may be a nice day and leaves me with great hope for such. Quickly I jump in and out of the shower, time is ticking and as usual I am rushing against the second to make it to work on time. My three youngest kids are still in dreamland fighting against my constant urge for them to get up and dressed. I have to fight to get them out of bed and into the car. With only 10 minutes to spare I peel out down the gravel drive and rush onto the highway, speeding into town with an eye on my clock counting down the seconds to eight. Pulling up to the daycare I glance into the rearview mirror and realize that once again in my early morning haste I forgot to run a brush through the kids’ hair, another day of them going into the daycare looking like welfare trash. Without any comb to rectify the mess I shrug my shoulders as is my daily habit and usher them out of the car, gathering them on the sidewalk and pushing them into the building. In a whirlwind of goodbyes, I love you’s, and have a good days, I throw in a lame excuse and apology for the kids’ hair looking wind torched and promise that they have been bathed the night before but in an effort to get out of the door on time with lunches packed, jackets on, and shoes precariously balanced on their feet I happened to overlook their heads this morning. Still uttering explanations and goodbyes over my shoulder I blaze back out the door, I have three minutes to make it to work and am determined to be on campus on time. I rush back to the car, throw the gear into drive and burn rubber down the road, nervously checking my mirrors and to the sides for cops as I speed to work. At four minutes after eight I bust into the office, red faced and breathing heavy from running up the walk and a flight of ten stairs. I rush out a good morning to my supervisor who is of course already clicking away on the keyboard, push the power button on my computer, throw my purse into the bottom drawer of my desk and lean back in my chair to catch my breath. A few moments later my co-worker breezes through the door, calm and collected feeling comforted by the clock showing only six after eight as she is habitually late with no kids for an excuse. How I envy her ability to take extra time each morning to relax and cruise into work unharrassed and well put together. I take deep breaths, say a firm good morning, roll my eyes and focus on opening all the computer applications I will need for the day. A couple hours later in dire need of coffee I ask my co-worker if she is as caffeine deprived as I and if she wants me to run to Starbucks for some latte’s. She is also feeling like a caffeine kick and so I rush out the door to Safeway where I figure I can grab something to eat and the latte’s and be out the door faster than waiting in the drive-thru of the Starbucks further up the road. Amazingly Safeway is crowded at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning, coincidence, probably not just one more snag in my day. I grab a few things off the shelves, run through the self check and get in line at Starbucks. After a good ten minutes I am finally able to order my drinks and fifteen minutes later I walk out the door with my bag of groceries and coffees. I sit the drinks on my middle consul as they are secure in a drink carrier and my car is littered with used Kleenex from my never ending sinus infection. I pull out of the parking lot and think “okay, a little less than a mile and I will be in the clear back at work and resting.” Fat chance, the sun still unwittingly shining like a beacon in the sky catches my eyes and sets them to watering. Suddenly I feel a sneeze coming on and at the same time notice that the only light between me and the college is yellow. I start to break as I sneeze, causing my foot to land harder on the break than intended which in turn sends the latte’s flying off the consul, lids popping off and hot milk with syrup and espresso splashing everywhere. One of the drinks landed in a precarious position propped against a shoe I had on the floor, I thought if I could just ease into the green light I might be able to salvage some of the coffee. Of course that is not my luck, I gently press the gas and the entire contents of the damn cup come spilling out of the container, drenching my shoes and soaking the carpet. Wonderful, now the smell of sour milk can permeate my car along with the smell of dirty kids. I walk back into work empty handed, on the verge of tears I explain my catastrophe and apologize for the continued lack of caffeine. Desperately I want to be back home in bed, away from work and people who seem to do nothing but piss me off. The day drags slowly on, people irritating me more and more until I think I may scream.
Sitting in a room so silent the sound of a pin dropping would make an echo. My ears are ringing from the sound of my own finger pads against the keyboard. Looking around I am surrounded by testers, each busy with the stress of choosing wisely on their answers. I am glad I am not a part of the crowd per se but the proctor monitoring the room. How I want to light a firecracker and startle these poor unsuspecting folks so diligently engrossed in their computer screens. It would be a source of humor for months to watch them jump, especially as they are mainly laborers with rough hands and dirt under their nails, tough yet I would be willing to bet still susceptible to a good scare! I would give anything to be in a loud crowded room right now. I am starving and my stomach is reverberating frightening sounds bouncing off the walls and making the silence seem like a pillow suffocating me in its down. We have one window in the room, it has the view of trailers and one big tree. The sky is of course dark grey and I am thankful to be inside as it looks as though we are promised more rain. My mind slips to food no matter how hard I try to keep in on track with watching for cheaters. Being in my fifth month of pregnancy I find that food is my obsession in life. I gauge my days on when I eat, what I will eat, where I will eat and once I have eaten how long I have to wait before I can eat again. Unhealthy. Obsession of any kind is not the healthiest manifestation of energy, yet it is a part of my core being to obsess on a regular basis. I wonder what these guys do day to day, how do they live, what do they obsess over? The one straight in front of me I am sure lives in a trailer on some acreage, probably obsesses over old cars and tinkering around with mechanics. He is the kind I might imagine to have been in a few bar brawls in his youth and has been weathered by the consumption of beer, fists, and hard work that has ran his life. I would almost bet that he has a motorcycle or two and that he enjoys a spin now and then to clear his mind of his impending doom at being unemployed. He strikes me as having that rough around the edges look but is really a teddy bear underneath and may even give the shirt off his back to a stranger were they in need. Several others in the room are young, probably fresh into the job market and having a rough go at obtaining employment. They remind me of the young cocky cowboy types that macho around the town drinking, fighting, and feeling superior. They probably have gigantic chips on their shoulders and think that they can have any woman they please even though they have naught to offer. Another in the room strikes me as an intellectual, hardly the type to work with his hands but more suited to computer science or some technology based position. He is very serious and I imagine him to be very methodical in his life, weighing options and listing outcomes. I start to envision what these people enjoy eating, my mind once again returning to food and hunger. I would guess that the Harley dude would enjoy a big double juicy hamburger, loaded, with fries ranch dressing and a 32 oz coke. The young brawlers I can see liking pizza and beer, maybe when out at the bar leaning more towards something deep fried. The computer expert I believe would take a little more time in deciding his food, debating what sounds good and maybe deciding upon a subway sandwich or something a little more substantiating such as a steak and baked potato. Who knows..maybe they all love steak and would be more the type to barbecue a mean T-Bone and wash it down with water! I could definitely go for a nice medium well T-Bone right now, with some bacon and onion green beans and mashed potatoes with gravy. My stomach is growling even louder with every mouth watering delicatessan I imagine. I believe I better quit this blog before I die from food withdrawals!!
Today was finally nice, sunshine streaming through the windows and dancing off the walls. Its rays of light invigorating and refreshing after so many days of black, wet, cold weather. The kids and I spent all day outside basking in its warmth, so much so that I am now as red as a lobster! Got a ton accomplished though and feeling so much better about life now that the yard is somewhat getting into shape. After 5 hours bent in the garden we finally made some progress.
Although to many this may look as though nothing was done, the entire gravel area and each bed was full of tall weeds that my kids and I took the day to pull.
The outside of the garden area is still a wall of weeds and thistles from the neighbors yard which are moving into mine and beginning to take over several different areas. To say the least this does not make me happy, but am hoping I can find some chemicals to deal with the tall weeds that are just too much to pull.
Tomorrow if it is still nice out it will be a trip to the store for more Round-up and a day of spraying all the gravel walks to ensure that the hard work of today not be for naught. Then it will be planting the rest of our seeds and tomato plants and enjoying the fruit of our labor by hopefully having a good harvest in late summer.
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